Why Do Some Thrive?

Why are some sexual abuse survivors seemingly able to recover, function, and even thrive as adults, while others have difficulty coping with the stressors of everyday life? It’s a question I’ve often contemplated in my own life. Some research estimates 20 to 40 percent (others 30 to 50 percent) of survivors grow up to lead successful and well-adjusted lives. They “overcome the odds.” But why some and not others? Why does the impact vary so much from person to person? One of the most important factors in overcoming the odds is resilience.

Before we get into what resilience is and how you get it, I want to emphasize one important key to remember: lack of resilience does not mean weakness. Since resilience isn’t about strength, lack of resilience isn’t about weakness. So many of the factors related to resilience are outside of our control. Resiliency isn’t about doing or not doing something right. So then what is it? Merriam-Webster defines resilience as “the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.” While that’s technically correct, I don’t like the use of the word ability because it leads you to believe resilience is something you can conjure up for yourself. Maybe a better word would be capacity; i.e., when certain conditions are present, resilience is possible.

While the factors of the abuse itself—age at onset, duration, severity, time since the abuse, relationship to the abuser—all play a part in how a survivor will fare; surprisingly, they aren’t the only important factors in resilience. Personality factors, such as self-regard and healthy coping strategies, have an impact, too. Interestingly, avoidance/denial, while a survivor may find them very useful, can be catalysts to unhealthy symptoms. “Recent research on protective factors reveal that searching for support, disclosing the abuse and giving a meaning to the abuse are all adaptive cognitive strategies” (Resilience Factors in the Victims of Sexual Abuse: State of Affairs, Dufour, Nadeau, and Bertrand).

Let’s talk family life. If a survivor has a caring and safe home environment the likelihood of an adaptive outcome (resilience) over time is greater. So, what if the abuse occurred within the nuclear family? What about the dysfunctional family? Then support from outside the family can be just as important. Having a caring adult she can rely on and trust increases the likelihood of resilience in a survivor. This adult might be a teacher or the parent of a friend. My own experience leads me to believe the caring and supportive person doesn’t necessarily have to be an adult. The key for me was to have someone I trusted and who loved me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was necessary for me to find emotional support and connection outside my family.

Research has shown that spirituality impacts healing processes and resiliency. This is true with many types of trauma, not only sexual abuse. Whether it be illness, accident, injury, or natural disaster, how often do people say it was their faith that carried them through? Through faith we experience the most important connection possible—a relationship with God. Since it’s connection that fosters resilience, what could have a greater impact than the supernatural connection of faith?

Finally, there’s also biology involved in resilience! In 2003, research by Terrie Moffitt, from the Institute of Psychiatry in London and the University of Wisconsin, and her husband, Avshalon Caspi, found a correlation between a particular gene, 5-HTT, and the environment when it comes to resilience or lack of it. Moffitt and Caspi found that 5-HTT is integral to regulating serotonin  in the brain, which promotes the feeling of well-being. It turns out that in relation to trauma, 5-HTT also protects against depression. Don’t mistake 5-HTT for an “antidepressant gene,” though. Without the trauma or adverse experience, the gene doesn’t “turn on” its antidepressant traits. It doesn’t play a psychological role at all without the trigger of trauma.

Here’s how it works. The 5-HTT gene has two alleles, which are alternative forms of a gene that may occur at a given position. (Technical, I know, but hang with me here for a moment.) Each allele occurs in either a long or short version. Moffitt and Caspi’s research found that people with at least one short 5-HTT allele are more likely to develop depression when they’ve suffered adverse childhood experiences or stressful life events as adults. While one short allele was characterized as moderate risk for depression, two short alleles increased the likelihood significantly for those who had gone through trauma. And as you might expect, two long alleles seem to offer protection against depression after trauma. So interesting!

It might be more clear now why I stressed earlier that lack of resilience does not mean weakness. There are nature and nurture variables to resilience we can’t control—even biology! The last thing a childhood sexual abuse survivor needs is something else to make her feel guilty when she’s not.