Editor, Writer, Author: Who Me?

If you’ve read my About page, you know that I was an editor for quite a few years. How I landed that job without any editing experience is a long story, but it turns out I had a little bit of talent for editing, fortunately. Before I retired, when someone asked me what I did for a living, I’d easily say, “I’m an editor.” I had the title under my name on a magazine masthead for fifteen years after all.

And now more than six years into writing about my childhood and recovery, I’m almost comfortable saying I’m a writer. I don’t have that title on anything official, so I still feel a bit like an imposter when I say I’m a writer when asked what I do. But here I am, at my desk, fingertips on keyboard—writing.

As for identifying myself as an author, well…even though this website says I’m an author, it’s going to take more than that for me to say those words when asked what I do. I’ve written a manuscript, yes, but until I’m holding that book in my own hands, I just can’t think of myself as an author.

I seem to have a love-hate relationship with writing. It’s so personal, and not just my story, any story committed to writing. It’s a baring of the soul. Writing is a solitary endeavor, a perfect companion for my introverted nature. But becoming an author moves well outside any comfort zone I’ve ever known. It invites critique. It lays open every insecurity for all to see. Am I ready for that?

Then there’s the fear—fear of failure, of course, but there’s also fear of success. I don’t know which scenario scares me more. At this moment, just getting my story from the manuscript stage to the finished book will be success in itself. But what if people other than my family read it? And what if they tell other people, and they read it? Am I ready for that? And what if they call me to do the Today Show and I’m chosen as one of Oprah’s book selections? Am I ready for that? Okay, hardly likely…but you can see why there might be a little bit of fear with either success or failure.