Speak…

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. They’re just words. How can it be so hard to say them? Speaking the truth in those eight words is the essential, and oftentimes, first step toward healing.

I’ve spent a lot of time in abuse recovery groups over the last several years. These are groups of women who are proactively seeking healing from abuse. They’re in a group voluntarily, knowing what’s going to be discussed, and also knowing, just by their mere presence, they’ve identified themselves as sexual abuse survivors . . . and yet, for some, it’s still impossible to speak the words out loud.

When you’ve carried those secret words for a lifetime, the burden of shame is heavy. You hate the feeling of shame, yet it’s familiar. And truth be told, shame is the only emotion I can think of that when first exposed does feel worse and deeper and, well, more shameful. It’s true. But trust me on this and pay attention to these next words: speaking the truth is essential to freedom from the shame of childhood sexual abuse. Until you can share the secret with someone you trust, shame will never let you go.

To a survivor who is protecting the secret and trying her best to hide her shame, it’s difficult to understand how shining a light on the very thing she’s kept hidden in darkness can lead to anything but further hurt and heartache. I know. I felt that way too. How can I explain the freedom found in speaking the truth, in sharing the secret? What comes to mind is another “hard to put into words” situation: Paul explaining to the Philippian church the peace that comes through complete trust in God. He says, “…you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.” (Emphasis mine.) As often as I’ve tried to describe the peace that comes from fully resting in Jesus, there aren’t adequate words. So often I think, Oh sweet friend, you have no idea what you’re missing. If you only knew. . . . That’s how I feel when a survivor struggles to say the words, or doesn’t see the point in sharing the secret. There’s freedom there! If you only knew. . . .

Find someone you trust, a confidante, someone who’s encouraged or supported you in the past. Sit down together in a quiet place, take a deep breath, open your mouth, and speak the words. Or find a sexual abuse recovery group. There’s no safer place to speak your truth than in a group with other women who share the same hurt. You could start by inquiring at some local churches. Ask for a referral if a church doesn’t have its own group. You can also click here for some links to further resources.

Freedom comes through taking that first, essential step. Speak.