Do Your Feelings Ever Take You by Surprise?
Today is four months since the start of my transition to natural hair. I’ve been surprised by quite a few things in this last month. By far, the biggest surprise is how much I like my “hair of many colors”! I began this journey mostly with feelings of dread about what the many months of transition would bring. I anticipated wanting to hide and never leaving the house for eighteen months. While I did experience that kind of feeling in the beginning, it didn’t last long. Over time, I started to get comfortable with what my hair looked like. Now, in this fourth month, I’ve actually started to embrace it. Don’t get me wrong; it looks funky, for sure, but apparently I like funky.
Looking Funky!
We traveled to Dallas to visit with my son and his family over Thanksgiving. My daughter-in-law was not in favor of the whole gray hair thing when I first shared my plan to stop coloring. She was sweet about it, as she always is, but what she said on my Facebook post was, “You know my opinion! I think you’re beautiful no matter what color your hair is. But it will age you. Love ya!” And then there was this sweet little heart-eyed emoji at the end. I was interested to see what she would think when she saw me in person with coming-up-on four months with no color. Much to my surprise, and her own, I think, she found herself complimenting my hair.
“I really like it. I like the colors; I like the length; I like the way you’re wearing it. You know I wasn’t a fan at the start, but I’ve changed my mind. I like it a lot.”
“I’m liking it, too,” I said, “except for the fading orangey color of the dyed hair.”
“I don’t even mind that,” she said. “I think it all looks great.”
Well, what do you know? She may still think it ages me when it’s all said and done but, for now, she seems to like the funky look, too.
The Christmas holidays this month brought another surprise. Back in August, when first contemplating letting the color grow out, I’d almost convinced myself to wait until January—only because I knew I would be going to Joe’s company Christmas party with four months of regrowth if I didn’t wait till after the holidays. Now granted, these are people I don’t know very well and see only once a year, but apparently, I cared what they think about me. I envisioned feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed by my hair. In the end I decided to go for it anyway, thinking I would wear a Santa hat if I truly hated the look of my hair by December.
Off to the Christmas party!
The company party was last week. I liked the look of my hair so much I pulled the front back to really rock the silvers. Of course, not one person at the party made a comment about my hair or even looked at me funny. If they were thinking anything about it, they were probably trying to remember if I looked like that last year. Most likely they couldn’t have cared less. We so overestimate the time other people spend thinking about us. Everyone has their own insecurities, and while we’re wondering how they’re judging us, they’re wondering how we’re judging them! Reminding myself of that helps me to keep others’ opinions of me in perspective.
This month I’m still struggling with growing out the cut and getting some length. It’s still a crapshoot as to what it’s going to look like on any given day. Most mornings my bedhead forces me to stick my head under the faucet first thing! I’m in dire need of a haircut, and I’m hoping getting it shaped up a bit after the holidays will help me hold out and not give in to cutting it all off. I’m also better embracing my waves and learning how to handle wavy hair instead of fighting it into submission. I don’t know; perspective is so different when it’s on your own head. I love messy waves on other women. They look trendy, young, sexy. On me, my messy waves look . . . well, messy.
People talk about gray hair being authentic; you know, not trying to hide what’s really there. I’m not sure I started growing out my natural hair to be more authentic. That has come to be one small part of it though. Not fighting my natural wavy texture is another part of being who I am. But I still wear makeup and like to have my nails done. So it’s not all about authenticity. It’s more about not being afraid. God said “gray hair is a crown of glory” (Proverbs 16:31), and “the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old” (Proverbs 20:29). Wearing my glorious gray hair tells the world I’m not afraid to be an older woman. I’m not afraid to have less of my life left in front of me than behind me. It feels—surprisingly—empowering!
Merry Christmas!
