A Rollercoaster of Surprising Emotions on Launch Day!

Today I send Little Girl Mended out into the world. It’s launch day! Launch day is everything you’d expect it to be; it’s exciting to say the least! Some of the emotions I’m feeling, though, are a bit unexpected. Having been so involved over the last couple of years with all of the logistics—writing, editing, rewriting, proposals, pitching, waiting, disappointment, and even more waiting—of creating a book, I hadn’t allowed myself to ponder what I might feel if it ever actually happened. So I want to take some time to think about all that I’m feeling on this momentous day.

Excited. Yes! I haven’t yet held the print book in my hands (or even seen it), but I have seen my book on Amazon, on iBooks, and on Barnes and Noble. Seeing those links for the first time left me with my mouth agape. Seriously, I had to close it with my hand. I’ve admired authors from the time I first learned to read. As often as I thought about how wonderful it would be to write a book, I never thought I would ever have my name on a book’s cover. I’m still finding it a little hard to believe.

Awed. Yes, I’m in awe of the journey God has carried me through in these last seven years. I thought I would take my secret with me to the grave. God thought otherwise. I started writing with no plan for a book. I wrote to find freedom from the memories. That’s all. Several years into the writing, God planted the seed of his plan in my heart. I began to sense his calling, but it felt like a whisper. I had so many doubts. I’m in complete awe of the majesty and power of God, because without him carrying me I would still be cowering behind the walls of secrecy and self-protection. I feel like Paul must have felt when he wrote 2 Corinthians 12:9–10:

Each time he [the Lord] said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. …For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I’m thanking God for his strength and provision because I know how weak I truly am.

Humbled. To have others believe my story is worth telling and worth sharing is humbling. I’m grateful to Vox Dei Publishing, and especially to Heather Huffman, who accepted my manuscript for publication. She has often assuaged my many doubts with her belief in me and in my story.

Disquieted. I’m feeling disquieted on several levels. First, is the anxiety of publicly sharing my writing itself. Writing a book opens the door to criticism and critique. What if people don’t like how I write? Then there’s the deeper disquiet of sharing the intimate details of my life with the world. And it’s not only the details of my life, but also of Joe’s life. He’s done nothing but encourage me from the moment I told him, “I think I’m going to write a book.” Other family members and friends will find themselves in the pages of Little Girl Mended too. What will they think? It’s disquieting!

Launch day is the end of one journey and the beginning of another. The publishing process is complete, but the door to what’s next is only now opening. It’s exciting and scary all at the same time to be walking through that door today. I don’t know where that doorway leads. It could lead to things that are well outside my comfort zone. Scary as that is, I’m okay with it. I know that when God calls, he also provides. My part is to trust and obey.