Guess Who?

Lately, as in the last several months, I’ve been reflecting on my “what next”? I have some time on my hands in this season of life, so how can I best use it? Through praying over those questions, I’ve felt a gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit. I sense him whispering, “Why aren’t you writing?” Lord, that is a loaded question. Most of the answers have to do with self-protection.

I can’t believe it’s been just three months shy of two years since I wrote a blog post! I was listening to a podcast today that said if you’re a writer and you’re not writing every day, then guess what? You’re not a writer. Ouch! To be fair to myself, though, I do write every day—just not for public consumption. Those writings are private musings between the Lord and me.

I’ve resisted the nudging of the Holy Spirit because I often doubt I have anything to say others would benefit from or even be interested in reading. But I know doubt doesn’t come from God. Psalm 81:10 says, “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.” I believe God provides all we need to accomplish what he calls us to. In Matthew 10:19 Jesus says, “God will give you the right words at the right time.” This has been my experience in the past, so why do I let doubt creep in?

Writing also exposes me and leaves me vulnerable to criticism or even rejection. Like the words that come from my lips reveal my heart, so too do the words that flow through my fingers. What winds up on the page is a part of me, often a deep part. Then I remember, just like in sharing Jesus and what he’s done in my life, the outcome belongs to God, not me. My part is to follow where he leads, to trust in his provision, and to leave the results in his hands.

Yes, writing is scary and exposing and leaves me feeling vulnerable. But I don’t want to be like the servant in Matthew 25:14–30 who buried the one talent his master gave him because he was afraid to use it. No matter how scary, I want to use my gifts, both to serve and to bring God glory. At the end of the Proverbs 31 daily devotional this morning (proverbs31.org), the author prompted readers to ask God to show them a particular verse of focus for today. I prayed that short prayer and what came to me was 1 Peter 4:10. I had no idea what that verse said until I looked it up. “God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another.” How I love when God speaks so clearly!

And so I will write, use this gift, such as it is, and leave what someone sees in my writing or takes from it in God’s hands. After all, he is God and I’m not.