What Do You Do When You Just Don’t Understand?

For nine days I’ve been trying to find a way to write this blog post.

At about 6 p.m. on Friday, April 29, I opened my email after spending the day doing laundry and packing for a trip to Dallas the next day. I’d been preparing for a couple of weeks to speak at Watermark Community Church to the women from the Shelter from the Storm ministry. This would be my first speaking engagement, and I was excited and nervous all at once. Then I checked my email.

First in my inbox was an email from my publisher, Booktrope, the parent company of Vox Dei Publishing. Expecting a routine announcement, I clicked it open and suddenly the bottom dropped out of my world. The email came from Ken Shear, the founder and CEO of Booktrope. Ken began:

We are deeply saddened to share the news that Booktrope will be ceasing business effective May 31, 2016. This decision was not reached lightly and we will share as much as we can with the community over the next few weeks…. What you need to know now: Booktrope will remove all published books from sale as of May 31, 2016….

The email went on with other details, but I didn’t catch any of them. My book, my baby, would be going away after only five short months! I was still sitting there rereading it for about the tenth time when Joe came in the door from work. He came over to kiss me. All I could say was, “Read what I just read,” as I showed him the email. I didn’t cry until he put his arms around me.

The rest of the night is a blur. Shock, that’s what I was feeling. I didn’t know what would happen next. My book, my baby, would be going away. How can that be? Why would God lead me down this path with a publisher and then take it all away?

As I went to bed that Friday night, my thoughts turned to what a blessing Vox Dei Publishing has been in my life. Although Booktrope is several years old, Vox Dei, the Christian imprint, came into being shortly before I submitted my manuscript. They accepted it and published my book, helping me share my story with the world. Vox Dei has been in existence just long enough for me to do that. How can that not be from God? If God has ever allowed you glimpses of his hand at work in the details of your life like he has for me, you would have no doubt. I went to bed thinking I had followed God down this path with my story and now it’s done. Over. Mission accomplished. I followed even when I was scared. And I have to admit, I felt the tiniest bit of relief; I could move on to whatever was next. You see, this path has not been an easy one.

I woke up on Saturday feeling much more settled because, through tossing and turning overnight, I realized the mission isn’t over after all; it’s taking a turn down a different path. In my heart I know there are still people in this world who need to read my story. Though the road will now be different, I also believe God is already there paving the way. Why we’re switching paths, I don’t know. But God does, and that’s all I need to know.

There are still many details to be worked through, but I will figure it out because I believe God’s not done with my story. I’m going to republish my book, likely on my own this time. Having been accepted and published by a publisher, I no longer feel the stigma of being an indie author. In fact, I’m counting it a blessing. The fate of my story and everything about it will be between only God and me. I like that arrangement.

There’s a very steep learning curve for me in getting my book back out there, so I can’t say for sure how long it will take. My goal is to have it back up on all vendors as soon as I possibly can. The rights revert back to me on June 1, but I’m not sure I can have it all ready to go by then. So, if you’re planning to read Little Girl Mended at some point or know someone else who might be, now could be the best time to get your copy, as they will go out of print for some period of time on May 31. I’ll keep you posted on the progress to republication. Also, if you want a copy that’s published by Vox Dei and bearing that logo, now’s your only chance.

By the way, the speaking engagement in Dallas went very well, and surprising even me, I so enjoyed it! Who knows, that may be a road God is getting me ready to walk. We’ll see.

Finally…the other morning when I was walking the dog, Lauren Daigle’s song, Trust in You, came on Pandora. I had never heard it before, and the lyrics spoke volumes to me that morning.

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings

There’s not a day ahead You have not seen

So, in all things be my life and breath

I want what You want Lord and nothing less…

***

Your ways are always higher

Your plans are always good

There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood…

Have a listen. These words might speak to you too. He’s got this!